Perfection is a Flaw
by Brightest Firefly
Summary: Set after The Ex-Factor. Lindsay confronts Ryan about his relationship with Marissa. One-shot.


Lindsay walked out into the courtyard and saw Marissa and Summer chatting away. Summer caught her eye and motioned for her to come sit with them. Her first instinct was to run, but she didn't want to make a big deal of things. Plus, Marissa was her step-sister. They should be friends.

As she listened to Summer and Marissa chatting a mile a minute, she was overcome with feelings of inadequacy. She'd never been the kind of girl who worried a lot about her looks or compared herself to people who belonged in fashion magazines, but suddenly, all her imperfections seemed to stand out...to her at least. Every freckle, every pound, every feature was now under the microscope.

She didn't think Ryan was shallow, and it wasn't that she didn't trust him. She probably trusted him more than any male she'd ever known. But she couldn't figure out why he was with her when he could be with Marissa. From the pictures in Marissa's room, they'd looked pretty happy together. Really happy. Too happy. Ryan had told her they just connected and hearing that had ripped her heart in two. _I knew asking him was a bad idea. _At least now, she knew where she stood. It was only a matter of time before the inevitable happened. _I should just put us all out of our misery and end this now. After school. Tonight._

After school, Lindsay knew she should be studying, but instead, she found herself staring in the mirror critiquing everything. _I need to step this diet up a bit_. She sat down to read a book and reached for a chocolate bar in the stash she kept in her room. She paused before opening it, examining the label. _Okay, I guess no more chocolate. _She tossed it back into the drawer, then thinking better of it, she got up and slammed it into the trash can. She tried to study, but physics made her think of Ryan and the latest lab project they were doing. Or maybe, just Ryan.

A few hours later, her mother came to get her for dinner. "Come on down, Sweetie. I made lasagna."

"Thanks Mom, but I told the Cohens I'd eat with them." _Liar! _her conscience screamed.

"Oh...okay." Her mother turned away with a hurt look on her face and Lindsay felt horrible. _What am I doing?_

As quickly as her logic disappeared it returned. "Wait! Mom, can we talk?"

Renee was happy to have any conversation with her daughter these days. "Sure." She sat down on the bed wrapping an arm around her daughter's shoulders, gently rubbing her arm. "Did something happen at school today?"

She fought the tears that were burning in her eyes. "I ate lunch with Marissa."

Renee looked confused. "Is she that bad?"

"No. She's perfect. She's thin, beautiful, she has the best clothes-"

"Lindsay, since when do you care about those things?" She'd always tried to raise her daughter to love herself as she is and to be who she is, because 'perfection is a flaw.' Lindsay now saw how true that was.

"I don't, I just..." she trailed off. She didn't know why she cared now. Well, she did. She cared because of Ryan, but he'd never seemed to care.

"If he doesn't like you just as you are, you don't want him anyway."

"He likes me, just not like he likes her. That's why I'm going to break up with him tonight." Hearing the words out loud brought on another wave of tears.

Renee hugged Lindsay as she cried. "I'm sorry, baby. Come on, let's go eat some dinner."

Later that evening, Lindsay went to see Ryan. As she knocked on the pool house door, she continued to remind herself that she was doing all three of them a favor. When Ryan opened the door in a wifebeater and sweat pants, she found herself unable to think. His hair was damp and he smelled of soap. "Hey," he said softly, with a hint of mischief in his voice.

"I'm sorry for just barging in like this-"

"No, no," Ryan interjected, smiling. "I'm glad to see you, I just wasn't expecting to. Now we can 'study' for physics." He sat down on the bed and opened the textbook, looking at her expectantly. "I can do this myself, but it's a lot more fun with you." He wiggled his eyebrows playfully and she laughed, and once again questioned what she was doing as he gestured for her to sit down.

She forced the words out of her mouth. "We need to talk."

Seeing her expression, he got a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. "This can't be good."

Lindsay sat down next to him. "I...I don't think this is working." She tried to make her voice sound firm, but it was shaking as tears built up in her eyes.

For a few moments Ryan stared into space blankly. When he turned back to her his eyes were pleading and she tried to avoid his gaze. "Why?" he asked. He took one of her hands and cradled it against his chest.

She sighed. "Look at you, Ryan! And look at me. What are you doing with me?"

He stared back at her as if she hadn't been speaking in English. "Huh?"

She could feel his heart pounding beneath her hand and his eyes nearly broke her. "Why me, Ryan? Why did you want me to be your girlfriend?"

"Because I like you," he stated simply, as if she were asking him why he was friends with Seth, or why he looked up to Sandy and Kirsten as if they were his real parents. It seemed clear to him and had seemed clear for quite some time.

She pulled away from him a little bit. "What about Marissa?"

"What about her?" His voice rose slightly and he tried to calm himself back down.

"You said it yourself, you guys connected, and you've never met anyone like her. In addition to all of that, she's insanely gorgeous. I'd rather end this now before it gets worse for all of us. Maybe this way we can still be friends."

Ryan ran his hands through his hair and took a deep breath before looking into Lindsay's eyes. "She and I did connect, but we broke up for a reason. The connection broke and it's improved but things haven't been the same since. I'd never met anyone like her because I thought she was like this picture perfect princess, and I was from Chino. She didn't act like she was better than me, and at that time pretty much everyone else did, except Seth and Sandy, and shortly thereafter, Kirsten."

He carefully considered how to word what he wanted to say. He'd never really allowed himself to think about it before. "But when I really got to know her, I realized that she just needed someone to cling to and I was there. I know she's beautiful, but not like you are. First of all, I'd be an idiot not to see that you're really hot." His eyes briefly ran over her body and her face. She blushed and gave him a small smile.

He laughed at the memory. "Why do you think I kept running into you and spilling things? I couldn't think straight. And then once I got to know you, everything that I love about you just added to that attractiveness."

Lindsay wrinkled her nose and questioned, "Really?" She'd sort of expected him to tell her she was beautiful on the inside, but she'd never considered that she had been the reason he couldn't seem to control any of his motor functions properly when she was around him. As far as she knew, she'd never had that effect on any guy before and it was strangely empowering.

"Of course. It takes someone really special for me to break out Journey," he added with a wink. He was surprised at how much he'd spoken in the last five minutes and he was even more surprised when he kept going.

"You make me laugh, you're smart, you make me want to be a better person, you're so sweet and passionate, and I'm more than just a clutch to you. You actually _care_ about me What we have isn't based on just neediness or sex. What we have is real. I've never been with a girl that I constantly wanted to be around for reasons other than sex. Listen to me, I'm talking! I don't talk; I'm the brooding bad boy from Chino. But here I am rambling on like an idiot, and I can't-"

She cut him off with a slow, tender kiss, and then leaned back smiling at him. "I must have rubbed off on you." She hadn't processed everything he'd said yet, but it sounded good. "So you don't care that I'm not built like a model with perfect hair and perfect clothes?"

Ryan laughed. He reached up to caress her cheek and she leaned into him. "Your hair is beautiful." He ran his fingers through the golden-red tresses. "And I like the way you dress. I'm glad you aren't built like a model. You're built like..." he paused midsentence and he looked at her with hungry eyes. "You're built like a woman."

She felt a tingling sensation jolt through her as she let her eyes freely roam over his body. His eyes. His lips. His arms. His chest. His hands. His abs...and that's where she forced herself to look back up at his face. He was definitely built like a man. "Ryan," she whispered softly, wanting to tell him each and every thing she adored about him. For once in her life, words weren't coming, but her eyes were clearly expressing her emotions.

He leaned back onto the pillows and pulled her beside him. His hand ran up and down her back as he gently reassured her, his heart soaring at the unspoken words. "I know."


End file.
